WORKING THE SOCIAL NETS

As one who is making a career out of blogging, checking in and indulging my voyeuristic tendencies, I believe I have earned the right to document my observations about the effect of social networks in general.  Even if I haven’t earned the right, the mere existence of these mediums provides me with a platform to publish and promote my ramblings to the unsuspecting stumbler, face–bookie, blogger and twit!

DIGITAL ROMANCE

In an age long forgotten, men and women looking to meet prospective mates had one of two options. They would either be blessed with the good fortune to meet their darling out and about or they would have to endure the spine twisting, belly-wrenching, stomach-churning trauma of a blind date - often pre-empted by a dear friend extolling an endless list of qualities that have little, or nothing, to do with the suggested suitor.

Today, the role of masculine bravery and chivalrous thrills has been diluted into the ‘first move’ friend request. Well, slap my head and call me silly but there’s as much gallantry in this as the ‘forgot my wallet’ stint and ‘early morning meeting’ sneak out.

Now, I could focus on the negative here – the spineless army of ‘hunters’ social media is harvesting, but instead I choose to direct my prudent perspective to the glowing positivity that is TIME MANAGEMENT! Not to sound too superficial, but when it comes to the game of romance, attraction is an integral player. From the perspective of the ‘gatherer’ we can stalk, scout and research our beloved friends’ suggestions before agreeing to surrender an entire evening.

This affords us the opportunity to weed out the “oh-my-G-d-how-desperate-do-you-think-I-am” suitors from the “might-be-worth-a-coffee” candidates. Only if you are a full time employed, well adjusted, healthy and able individual, will you fully appreciate the time and energy spared!  Social net-WORK-IT BABY!

E-MPLOYMENT          

With every firm, warehouse and one-man-roadshow creating a Facebook business page these days, getting a ‘feel’ for the company is easier than beating your 4 year old nephew at angry birds. A lot easier.

For employers seeking responsible, well adjusted, hard-working and skilled individuals, there’s a little more of an effort curve. But when it comes to weeding out the social renegades, online recruiting tools are ready and able to assist!

Peter Perfect’s LinkedIn profile may boast more degrees than a thermometer, but his daily stream of marijuana-fuelled inspiration tells a different story. While Average Annie’s list of qualifications might be slightly lacking, the link to her personal blog reveals a wonderland of untapped genius, creativity and talent, (much like this one). In the dating game, social stalking encourages face-value assessments. In the corporate arena, it safeguards both parties from being duped by the same. Social NETWORKING at its best!

SOCIAL WISE-ING

Remember that “EPIC” party your friend invited you to? You know, the one that “everyone who’s anyone” is going to attend? The one you have to attend unless you want to commit social suicide? Yes that’s the one! It’s the same event you were invited to on Facebook by that creepy guy you used to know in high school. Guess what?  You can check the guest list: the bird your friend is seriously into is going. THAT’s why he’s pushing it onto you like a constipated elephant. Here’s just another one of the perks of our age. We broadcast our lives ad nauseum and every so often, amongst the inane rubble, are helpful gems. SOCIALIZE your network!

INFO-WIZARD

In days of old, in order to stay abreast of current events one needed to trawl the news sites, scour the papers and doggedly catch the evening bulletins. These days, it’s a simple matter of identifying trends. Granted, you may have to learn to stoically ignore the Bieber-lievers and co. in order to hone in on actual newsworthy events, but once you master your filters, you’ll be able to impress all your dinner guests with remarkable knowledge of current world events. Social NEWS-working!

In this world of superficial values, insincere ideals and makeshift morals, social media is the unrivaled king! Portraying images of perfection, borrowing earth-shattering quotes (and forgetting to source them) and plumping up curriculum vitae are just a few of the luxuries it extends the average user.

But dig a little deeper. Analyze a little further. Scratch a little harder and the sparkly surface might make way for surfaces even glossier than first imagined – or ones in need of a little extra polish.

It’s not a new insight but it is a new platform in which to exercise it! As for me, I learned this while I was fortunate enough to be paid building a career, NOT working.  Social Not-working to be precise.